Fat Girl's Guide to Triathalons

Well-I have failed as a blogger, but I am so inspired by several people and organizations right now, I want to be more active here to explore creative endeavors and my wonderful family life.

I am now officially the Vice President of the San Antonio Modern Quilt Guild and I am excited about it!  I think there will be a new website soon, so keep an eye out!  I am in charge of programming, so if you have a short tutorial that you think is brilliant for crafty ladies, let me know!

The boys are growing strong and healthy!  They talk a mile a minute ALL the time, but they are so sweet and polite.  We took them on a first and definitely not last road trip - we had a blast!  Beautiful kids - beautiful Yosemite.

With National Adoption Month approaching, I am constantly reminded of how blessed we are to have such wonderful children, who have totally morphed into mini-Jessi and mini-Rick clones.  Rick and Ezra are such stinkers, Austin is just as sassy as me, and Owen is the sweetest combination of the two of us.  

 

 

Ready

Every birth mother has the birth moment...I have this.

 

Our first sight of them was through an orphanage window.  The windows stretched from floor to ceiling, divided into squares of old glass, so when the subject you watched moved towards the edge of the square, it distorted.  Rick and I sat nervously in a sitting room with strangers, who were watching us closely.  Holding hands from tallest to smallest and walking against the bitter cold of a Polish winter, they formed a vision of what orphans look like in movies.  Bundled in enormous snow jackets, faces hidden by hoods, we strained to glimpse their little faces.  Rick and I glanced at one another, making excited and nervous faces at one another, but quickly looking back at our boys. 

They walked past the deserted playground.  Past a few swings and a faded plastic jungle gym that was obviously not strong enough for the seventy-eight orphans who clamored on it during their outdoor play.  Virgin Mary stood tall and gray in the middle of the courtyard; her hands reached out to a surprisingly vibrant garden at her feet.  The nun crossed herself as she passed and I said a silent prayer to the Mother of Grace.  Never finding the patron saint of adoption, I adopted the Virgin, since she also became a mother unconventionally.  Maya, a protective yellow lab, cheerfully followed the bundled boys and the briskly moving nun, then looked quite reproachful when the door shut her out in the cold.

Raucous boy-noise ensued as Sister Director hustled and expedited the shedding of their winter apparel.  They issued excited yells and fast moving conversation that amplified against the dignified walls of the convent.

Rick squeezed my hand, “Are you ready?”  In that moment, the answer was no.  I wonder if this is how mothers in labor feel, ready to start pushing.  Ready, but scared of the pain.  Ready, but aware that something could still go wrong.  Ready, but scared we aren’t.

I replied, “Ready.”

Owen and Austin gave us a big hug and grabbed our offerings of stuffed animals with delight.  Squealing and immediately running to the nuns, proudly touting their new possessions.  The youngest stood in front of us, with gigantic tears rolling down his face.  He just stood there.  Not sure of what to do, so he simply cried.  Not making a sound when he cried; only slowly falling tears, big like Texas raindrops. 

The nuns urged him vocally to give mama and “tata” a “bushee.”  He couldn’t step forward; his tears were all his body could give at that moment.  I held out his teddy bear for him; he grabbed it and buried his face in the bear’s belly.  It was the first time I felt inadequate as a mother.  If I had known how often I would feel this way, I may not have worried so much, but that feeling stayed at the bottom of my stomach all day.

 

Another year...

I can't believe that it has been over a year since our boys came home.  I barely remember my birthday last year and I am so grateful for the fact that we are more settled and less frantic.  Yesterday (my 33rd birthday) Rick got the kids up to catch the bus at 6:20 so I could sleep...turns out that I don't like varying the routine and I could not sleep through it.

He made me pot roast and I made a peanut butter pie.  My mom and John came over and we had a little celebration.  It is hard to be too energetic after I worked all day teaching grammar...not the most energizing lesson of the day!

What was the most wonderful was that the kids picked out ribbon, jewelry and glitter from Walmart for me.  I was really able to enjoy the time with them instead of being so overwhelmed with being a new mom...we are so much more settled and comfortable with one another...I love that! 

Rick is taking me to Austin this weekend and the kids are staying at Babshas.  I think they are just as excited as I am!

Here is a project I was looking at the other day that I totally love and want to complete the other side...

The Boys...

Here they are...they are in love with field trips, Thomas the train, Spongebob, popcorn, power rangers, Where is Bear and Go Dog Go, American Gladiators, Season passes to Sea World, Cardinals (random, I know) basketball, baseball and getting loved on! Owen is off to the petting zoo with his class tomorrow and we have had trips to the zoo and the theater. Love being a mom!

They haven't actually gone on this roller coaster yet, but I am sure I will be forced soon!

Great is His Faithfulness

This weekend at our church , we sang Great is Thy Faithfulness and I wept. I actually normally do not like this song so much, but this weekend I felt God's true faithfulness. I suppose when you are facing impending motherhood, God starts to reveal himself differently to you. I remember having a conversation with friends about understanding God better when you have children, I think I am starting to understand this notion!

Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

God was speaking directly to me with this song. I see the mercy that God gave us by giving us children and the mercy I will need to give with my children.

I am also completely aware that only through God's hand did these children come to us. We have spent literally years praying for our children and now my prayers are being delivered. Our recent prayer has been to prepare the hearts of the children who are waiting for us in Poland and God delivered that prayer too!

I feel unworthy to receive the gift of children, but God knew what I needed and I know that God is going to make me a better person by becoming a mother. I can't wait to see how God uses these children to bless us and my prayer know is that I can give them up to the Lord by raising them faithful to their families and their God. I can't wait to start our journey!

Adoption Story

Someone asked me to write our adoption story down from the beginning...I thought why not put it on the blog...So here it is...at least the first part of it.

Rick and I were married 8 years ago, Rick wanted kids almost right away and I wanted to wait. Little did we know what kind of journey to parenthood we would be taking.

I met Rick in college and we had a five month courtship and a nine day engagement. We are the kind of people that decide we want to do something and then we do it. We moved from California to San Antonio, Texas after visiting Oak Hills Church and realizing that God was calling us to give up our demanding careers and settle where we would have a positive church home and create a home that was ready for children.

At this point we knew that I would have trouble conceiving a child naturally. We had been prescribed, Clomid, a fertility drug that is not invasive, but causes enormous mood swings, hot flashes and did I mention mood swings? When we came to San Antonio, we felt very positive about continuing fertility treatments, but after a tumor developed and was removed we were faced with a tough decision, continue fertility treatments and risk my health or stop.

Rick was never interested in adopting despite my attempts to talk him into it. Both of our mothers were adopted, but he felt that he may have trouble bonding with a child that did not come from us biologically. One night, Rick was praying for the concerns of our life group and when he came to our prayer request to get pregnant, he broke down and couldn't finish saying the prayer. That night God spoke to Rick's heart and he announced as we were getting ready to go to work the next morning, "I think we should adopt." He claims that he said we should think about adopting.

By that afternoong, I had narrowed our adoption agencies down, chosen some potential countries and even contacted agencies for more information. Rick was a little overwhelmed, but we make a decision and we act on it. In September of 2005 we choose an agency and started our adoption journey.

We originally said we wanted one child from Poland, a boy. Our social worker approved us for three and as we prayed we decided let's complete our family with one or two. Soon enough, we said we would consider three children. Many people who suffer through infertility struggle with guilt and grief for not being able to conceive and give birth, but God has given me such a spirit of excitement for the path he chose for our family...

Adoption Updates

Rick and I have been receiving lots of e-mail about our adoption. We really are so appreciatiative of everyone's support. We are still waiting and the holidays are a difficult time for us. I wouldn't call it jealousy, but we are certainly wanting children to share our time with. We know that God has the perfect timing, but our patience is definetly starting to get pushed.

I am hoping that this is preparing Rick and I to be grateful for the gift of children when they come home. We have friends and family who seem to be overwhelmed with their families and maybe not able to enjoy their time with their kids. Rick and I are using this time to reflect on the fact that it is a blessing to become a parent and that when it happens to just relax and enjoy.

We are also praying that God is preparing our children's hearts for us. That they will be ready and wanting a family. We know it must be difficult to be completely uprooted from your caregivers, homeland and even language!

This is the 2nd year it is on the tree...

Update on the update.

Ok. I am guessing that I sounded really sad on my last post. Part of me was for the kids, but I have no regrets and I know we made the right decision! I am at peace with it. Thank you for all the kind e-mails. I think I am going to do a "from the beginning" adoption post, so all can read up on the whole process. I think I am getting carpel tunnel from typing it so much. I just love to talk about it and share what is going on with us and then hearing how your adoptions are going!

I am totally in love with our children and I know that God has them in His hands right now. It will be perfect when it happens...well as perfect as going from a family of 2 to a family of 4 or 5 can go.

We decided to get out of town to Dallas to hopefully see some friends and eat at Taco Time, visit IKEA and of course finally get to go to The Scrap Bucket. I did not take one single picture while I was there. Here is the summary...

Friends...they never called us or contacted us...so we pretty much think that they moved to Dallas to escape us...perhaps it was that we hate Greek food?

Taco Time-I satisfied my craving for a crispy bean burrito and I don't think I will crave another for another 5 years or so.

IKEA - Hmmmm...not sure I love IKEA anymore. I like the accessories and cheap kitchen stuff...their sheets...but furniture...not so much. I think my taste is unfortunately getting more expensive.

The Scrap Bucket - It was a really nice store. I loved all the buckets of stuff and they had a whole bunch of cool rub-ons. I finally got some of the wholly cow ones I have been waiting for

I definitely think that it is cool to visit other stores...and it will always be my favorite scrapstore...because...

The Quilter's Cottage - it is right next door (I mean right next door) to the Scrap Bucket. This is a darling store that was very friendly and gave very good directions to IKEA. Have I mentioned that I am dreaming about quilting. I love it...new obsession. I can't really do anything right now because our house is in disarray.

Richland Hill Church of Christ - One of the biggest Churches of Christ, so of course we decided to check it out. It was nice. We didn't get to hear the preacher because he is in China with our Preacher, Max Lucado.

My husband - I would have gone to the Quilt Asylum, which was featured in the BHG quilters best stores...but I could tell that he was in no mood to drive another 10 miles to the store and wait for me...so we called it quits. I think that the referral really shook his tailfeather, because he has decided to scrap the ceilings, re-texture all the walls in rooms where there is carpet. He has decided that this fall we will be getting new carpet because ours is too dirty for our kids (I cannot disagree with that). He is working very hard right now and he is so manly and handsome...I guess it is a trade off that he cannot tolerate "girly" pursuits!

Say goodbye popcorn ceiling...I will not miss you at all!
Hello hot husband...who won't stand still for a photo

An Adoption News Flash!!!!

Well the news is good and bad. We got a referral today; we rejected it. We did not see pictures or get anymore information other than the fact that they were outside of the age range that Rick and I previously agreed upon. I somehow feel uncomfortable revealing that on my blog, but through private e-mail I would be glad to discuss that with you.

It was very hard to reject a referral. My adoption agency proved themselves today in a big way. Lina, the president of St. Mary's Adoption Agency, called and said the followin (not verbatum)..."I told you that Poland would love you as parents, you are excellent candidates for adoption, I told the lawyer no already, we got a referral that was outside of your specified qualifications for a sibling group, I am obligated to bring this to you, I will not send you picture unless you want me too, it is fine to yes or no at this time, take time to talk to your husband and family." I thought she handled it thoughtfully and in the weird world of adoption, thoughfulness of words is difficult to come by.

Reactions: I am not sure about some of the adoption experiences you all have had, but ours has been surprising. 1. Some people are overjoyed and almost impressed that you are adopting. 2. Some are a little confused as to why you are not doing all medical interventions or surrogacy, 3. some can't understand why you would adopt abroad when "there are so many children in our own country that need good homes."

Then there is the reaction from friends and family that you expect to be supportive at all times. I had a friend, Megan, in college. She was awesome. When you were in love with your boyfriend she would say things like, "You two are so cute together." She would really mean it. When you hated your boyfriend she would say, "You are too good for him." She would really mean it. When you asked for her opinion, she would ask questions and discuss it with you so you would really be doing most of the talking. She was always on my side, always present in the issue, always my biggest defender and fan. I loved her for that fierce loyalty and thoughtfulness. I wish we were still close today. Not that my friends and family weren't wonderful, but I got some thoughtless comments and probably a dash of judgement for turning down children. Sort of, "Beggers can't be choosers" attitude.

It was hard rejecting the children. I am sure I will dream about it tonight, I will pray for them and as I type about it, tears are welling up a little. Rick and I were at dinner and he said, "We could have seen our children tonight." They aren't our children, but I know that they will be the perfect match for someone out there longing for parenthood.

Rick and I did something smart; we made rational decisions, so when we weren't rational we could still make a good decision. Please pray for those children, our children and peace for all of us.

On the more positive side of this news flash. I am so excited that the Polish governement loves us. I feel like I am up for Miss (or in this case Mrs.) Potential Polish mother. The referal came quickly, much more quickly than we anticipated, so we must be totally awesome!

This has motivated me to:

1. Learn some Polish...it isn't an easy language to learn
2. Work-out more. I wanna be cute in my first mother pictures
3. Seriously start scrapbooking and quilting to get ready for the little ones

This movie ROCKS!

For those of you who are visiting this blog in regards to our adoption, I strongly recommend seeing 5000 miles.  It is a documentary film about a couple from Milwaukee who adopt a little girl from Poland.  It isn't about Polish adoption, but about the emotional road that adoption is.  It would be similar if you were domestically or internationally adopting any child. 

I really wish that I was friends with Mike and Roz.  They seem like awesome people who are wonderful parents.

I am having some moments of total impatience.  I know that it is best to wait until the Spring, but I am just thinking of all the fun things we are going to do as a family!  Hiking, biking, soccer, tennis, reading, etc... I know many of you understand.  It is almost a desperate feeling.  I am keeping it under control and enjoying this time, but some moments are hard. 

I also work with teen mothers, which is sort of like putting a fat girl in a chocolate shop hungry...with no money! (If you are offended the fat girl is me!)  It is hard to visit friends with kids, because we want to take them and run.  I am not really seriously considering kidnapping, but it does run through my head...so we babysit instead.